Om Namah Shivaya chanting….
……. ………
An appointment with
myself meaning just to be myself. When I spend a quality time with myself, when I have no
agenda……my mind is free from all agenda….free from the need to be something…….free
from the need to become something.
I do not need to become something… or become someone else. …I
do not need to become someone else.
Usually I have an ideal ‘I’…. and I'm trying…. to change
myself so that I become that ideal ‘I’.
The ideal maybe that I want to a learned person. ….I want to
be a famous person…..I want to be a respected person…….I want to be a wise
person….. and so forth.
It is quite all right that normally I'm seeking that ideal.
Right now, I give up even the need and the attempt to become that ideal.
There is no need for me to become someone else…..There is no
need for me to become something else…..There is no need to become…..
There is no need to achieve anything…… or accomplish
anything…..
Even through this process of meditation…. I'm not seeking to
accomplish anything. Through this process of meditation…… I'm not seeking to
achieve anything.
योगी
युञ्जीत सततमात्मानं रहसि स्थित: |
In the 6th chapter of the Bhagavad-Gita, Lord Krishna says ‘May
the Yogi, the aspirant, the seeker आत्मानं युञ्जीत focus his or her mind upon the self निराशीः free from all
expectations of accomplishing something even from this meditation. In the
Bhagavad-Gita Lord Krishna emphasises the freedom from the attachment to
karma-phalla,….. freedom from the attachment, expectation of any personal
reward through performing an action. Lord Krishna says, perform your duty, do
what is right….. without the agenda of a personal reward. In true performance of action I become bigger and
better person….more successful….Lord Krishna is saying do what is right but do
not make your action a means of becoming something else.
Only when I give up the idea or agenda of becoming someone
else…..of accomplishing something….of achieving something,…..then only I can
appreciate what I am in the present.
When I'm aspiring to be something else…. somewhere else…. that
is as though a denial of what I am.
When the tenth man is searching for the tenth man, there is
a denial of the fact that he is the tenth man. The search for the tenth man
presupposes the denial of the tenth man. The notion that I am not the tenth man
perpetuates it. In every attempt to become something…. in every attempt to
achieve something,…there is an unspoken denial… of who I am….because I have
taken for granted that I'm not what I should be. I'm not the tenth man. I’m not
the perfect self…. I'm not the complete self. This conclusion on my part…. that
I am not perfect,…. that I'm not complete,…..that I'm not all right….. In every
attempt to accomplish something,…..in every attempt to become something,….there
is an assumption, a presumption that as I am not all right. As I am I am not complete.
I am not complete,… I am limited in every way…. I'm limited
in strength,…. limited in memory,…. limited in understanding,…… limited in
inner purity….. I am limited in everyway.
How can you say that I am limitless as I am?
When I think of myself, …. only a limited being… becomes
evident to me. I was born some years ago,….and I'm going to die. I studied this
much ..I have to study so much more,….so much I have to do to be all right. That
may be so from one standpoint,….but not so from the other standpoint.
That I'm limited in knowledge,.. in understanding,… in
memory…. Limited in purity is all right
from one standpoint.
But there is someone who says I am limited,…. someone who
says I am impure, Swamiji…. There are so many complexes in my mind….. There's
someone who says that,…. someone who knows that.
And I say I'm not all right…. emotionally,…. spiritually,….
physically.There is someone who says that.
And we want to focus attention on the one who says, I'm
incomplete.
When I say I'm incomplete,…. I'm imperfect,….I'm lacking and
wanting…….I am no good….. I’m good …. The I who says that, the I who believes
that, for that I, the limitation of being impure, being not good…. is all the object of knowledge, is it not so?
When I say ‘I'm impure’…. I'm aware of the impurity. Yes,
there is impurity somewhere, …..but that is in the mind. There is a limitation
of memory somewhere again,…. Again that is in the mind. There is limitation of
strength somewhere ….that is in the body. From some standpoints, I'm limited in
every way.
Yet from the standpoint of the one who says I am limited, I'm
incomplete, I'm impure, I’m no good, I'm very good….because these conclusions
keep changing….they are all conclusions or judgments in the mind, in the
intellect.
I have the freedom to create a distance. In fact, there
already is a distance, distance of the knower and the known. The incompleteness,
the imperfection, the lack, the want, the need…..all these are there,…. but
they are in this body mind sense complex. The limitations are there…. no doubt…..
the imperfections are also there. And maybe there's work to do, and I will do
that work.
Yet before I do anything, let me understand….. who is the
one who wants to do things?.... Who is the one who has needs to do things?
I'm aware of the wants and needs ….. The one who is aware is
necessarily different from what he or she's aware of.
Without any hesitation, I can say that I'm aware of the
limitations….. I'm aware of the imperfections…..Aware of the needs….. I the one
who is aware, I am not even the one who is aware. The awarer that I am is only
with reference to the object of awareness. Maybe it's a reference to what I'm
aware of.
In reality, the awarer that I am is nothing but awareness.
I am awareness. Effortlessly I'm aware.
Awareness is my nature.
Everything else, …..lack want, good, bad,….all that belongs
elsewhere because I'm aware of them.
Regardless of what the object awareness is,…the fact remains
that I am awareness.
Awareness that I am has no boundary…The awareness that I am has
no form.
The formless… boundless…. self-shining… awareness I am. Self-shining….
Self-existent…. Self-sufficient.
I do not need anything to shine. I do not need anything to
exist.
I do not need anything to be boundless,………
Boundless consciousness I am. Satyam-jnanam-anantam ……
Satyam I am…. Jnanam self-shining I am. Anantam …. Boundless I am.
…..
……
……
Just to be what I am….. which means to drop any attempt to become,….. any attempt
to know,…… any attempt to experience…… All attempts are given up.
Freedom is the freedom from the need to attempt…. freedom
from need to become.
…….
I am boundless shining self-sufficient, awareness….
….
Everything else is located elsewhere.
….
Any limitation, any problem is all located elsewhere…. in
the mind…. in the body.
cidananda rupah shivoham shivoham
cidananda rupah shivoham shivoham
shivoham shivoham
Om
