Spiritual growth or emotional maturity does not come by superimposing 'shoulds', or 'do's' and 'don'ts' upon oneself. Rather it comes from admitting our weakness and working upon them. For example Scripture tells us that a mature person is one who remains composed in the face of praise and criticism. Now many of us find it difficult remain calm and composed in the face of criticism. This is because there is hurt person inside, an inner child who was possibly criticized a lot by parents, who felt the hurt of that criticism and buried it underneath a smile. In adult life, when the person is criticized now, the inner hurt ,anger and confusion is triggered - it surfaces and one loses one's composure. After hearing the words of Bhagavad-Gita, instead of admitting one's weakness and working upon it, if one superimposes an idea that 'I should be composed' upon the old pain, it does not work. It becomes a superimposed philosophy — a list of 'do's' and 'don'ts,' 'shoulds' and 'shouldnots.' The old pain that is inside simply becomes confused by the new superimposed philosophy, thereby adding to the confusion that was already there.
When the Bhagavad-Gita says for example that in all situations, the wise person's mind, is always in a state of great composure, it means that if this not true for us, then we have to work for such composure, which does not imply the superimposition of ideas.
Om Tat Sat