Om Namah Shivaya… My salutations to Lord Shiva. This is an appointment with myself. An appointment with the self that is of the nature of peace and silence. And hence this is an appointment I look forward to. There is no anxiety, no excitement. Just to be myself.
All the time, I am trying to change … it is my opinion that I am not alright as I am and therefore I constantly strive to be different from what I am… so that I can become acceptable to myself… so that I would be comfortable with myself.
I am not comfortable with myself as I am and hence I think, that I should change … should become different from what I am and then I would be comfortabe with myself.
Since I am not comfortable with myself many of my activities are for escaping from myself. I keep myself busy. I keep myself occupied so that I do not have to confront myself. Generally I try to avoid myself.
This is happening because of my perception of myself … that I am a woman or a man, mother or father, worthy or not worthy. Successful not successful.
But Vedanta teaches us that these perceptions of myself are not correct. These are the false perceptions about myself. And therefore in this appointment I want to be objectitive with reference to my own self.
What is happening is that the changing body-mind is mixed with changeless self and therefore the self, the I appears to be limited. The sense of limitation is not the true perception of myself. Limitations belongs to this body.
It is true that the body is limited. Body is limited in time, It had a birth, it grows, it changes, matures, declines and someday, it will die also. These are all attributes of the body.
But can I say that I am the body? Is it not that I am aware of this body? Just as I am aware of the neighbours body. I can visualize my neighbours body in my mind, and so also I am aware of my body. I am aware of all the limbs and organs of the body. Hence the body is an object of my awareness. I am the awareror of the body. To see this fact is called creating a distance with the body.
Not a physical distance … it is not that I physically stay apart from the body … it is the distance of knowledge. I am the self … the body is drshya. I am the knower , the body is known. I am the awaror, the body is a subject of my awareness. The knower is always different from what is known.
Hence I, the knower of the body am different from the body. This body I am not.
The birth is in body. There is no birth for I. The growth, the changes, the decay, the decline, the age- all of these are attributes of the body. I am the witness - sakshi. I am the awaror and hence youth, middle age, old age, decay, decline, death, disease, all these I am not.
Young man, woman, father, mother … alll these are the attributes of the body. I am not father, I am not mother. I have no birth. I have no death. I am the knower of the birth, knower of the death of the body. knwoer of the father, knowere of the mother. Janma the birth is not in me. Mrtyu the death is not in mee. I am neither father nor mother. And at the same time, I have no father, I have no mother. Father, mother, relative friends, all of these are relations of the body … not the relations of the self.
These relations belong to the body. To the costume with which I play different roles. Sometimes father, sopmetimes son and sometimes friend, sometimes wife, sometimes mother, daughter, engineer, accountant, doctor… these are all the roles. The body is the costume, but I who play all these roles am different from the roles. The birth and death, the groth and old age, all these belong to the costume, to the role.
I am the conscious witness unaffected by the attributes of the roles. I am father with reference to body … but I am self with reference to myself.
na may mrtyu shanka na may jati bheda pita naiva …. there is no question of death for i. There is no jati for I … man or woman, human being or otherwise. … Indian or Canadian… this caste, creed, community, race is not in me. It is all in the body. I am the conscious witness independent of them. Pita naiva, naiva me maata … I have no father. I have no mother … meaning I am not a son. I am not a daughter. I am not a grandson nor a granddaughter. All of these are the roles with respect to the body. na may janma … the birth also is not in me. I am free from birth and eath and caste and creed and race and gender. Na bandhu na mitram … I am not a relative. I am not a friend. I have no relative. I have no friend. These are all relationships at the levl of the body.
Guru naiva shishya … I am not a Guru, nor do I have a Guru. I am not a shishya … nor do I have a shishya… Guru… shishya… the teacher… the taught… all relationships at the level of the roles. The friend is a role. Relative a role… disciple … a role. Teacher …a role. Father, mother, son, daughter all of these are roles. I am not the role. I have no role.
Transcending the roles, cidananda rupah … I am cit, the onsciousness, ananda …the joy, the wholness, the completmess…. shivohama … the silent, the auspicious I am.
Na may mrtyu shanka… na may jaati bheda … pitaa naiva mataa na janma
Na may …. guru naiva shishyam Cidananda rupah shivoham shivoham… (3)
Shiva … the silent … the unattached, the auspicious, the joyful. The silent I … I don't have to become Shiva … I have to recognize that I am Shiva inspite of this body which limited in every way, which may be called impure or inauspicious. inspite of it all, I am Shiva, the Auspicous, the Joyful, the Silent, the Untainted.
Om Tat Sat